maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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