Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
