my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
