remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
