You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
