he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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