i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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