im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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