He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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