"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
