office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
