I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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