i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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