i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
