2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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