Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
COCAINE IS GR8
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
