I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
