Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
