My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
