I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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