Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
