I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
