i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
