girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
