I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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