ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina is very pro this idea
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
