you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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