I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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