I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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