i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
