Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
