Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Plan B is the new Plan A
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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