I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
