The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Be still, my beating vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
