I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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