We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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