I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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