I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're too hungover to prance.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
