I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
