I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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