we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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