I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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