Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
