Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
