my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
