can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
