if i died would you start the facebook group?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
