The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
