I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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