why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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