if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
