I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
