Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
