Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
