therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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